A little story

HKSfan · Post by **HKSfan** » 24 Mar 2006, 15:44

Hello,

I've written a litte MW story, you might find it interesting. Please comment on it!

HKSfan

Last Update: 25.03.2006 20.11 MEZ

IT'S FINISHED!

NFSBLUECIVIC · Post by **NFSBLUECIVIC** » 24 Mar 2006, 22:12

not bad, i like it. When you gonna finish it?

HKSfan · Post by **HKSfan** » 24 Mar 2006, 23:02

don't know, depending on how much time I have. I've already written a bit more than a half of everything I'm gonna write.
I've updated the story, added a bit.

Fishwhiz · Post by **Fishwhiz** » 24 Mar 2006, 23:11

its really good.

DarrenR21373 · Post by **DarrenR21373** » 25 Mar 2006, 01:31

It rocks. My only concern is the bit about Cross recognising the Beemer from his pin stripe. Surely the car auto-repairs itself between races, so the pin-stripe would not be visible after Razor stole the car off you

(J/K)

HKSfan · Post by **HKSfan** » 25 Mar 2006, 09:31

The story ought to be more or less realistic in contrast to the game, in the game, for example, it won't mind if you collide with a tree or a roadblock

unfknblvble · Post by **unfknblvble** » 25 Mar 2006, 19:41

Pulling out the red teachers pen there are a few mistakes that could be cleaned up, but I'm assuming English is not your first language, so I'm not being critical here.

I think it's a bit brief for a good read. But it's very interesting, and you've obviously put a lot of thought into it. I'd like to see a lot of the background on each of the black list members developed more. Also, I think the time frame is too short. It is possible, with the courts being so busy that someone can be in jail for a substantial period of time prior to their court appearence. So I'm thinking it could have been 2 or 3 months between the players arrest, and their release.

I hope this is helpful, and I'm interested to see where things go from here.

Keep it up!

REBEL35SUSPECT · Post by **REBEL35SUSPECT** » 25 Mar 2006, 20:46

it sounds good mate very good it has alot of thought into it

to a fellow story writer to another good job mate and continue with the good work

HKSfan · Post by **HKSfan** » 25 Mar 2006, 21:11

@unfknblvble: I was born in China, I live in Germany, I'm 13 3/4 years old

I'm sorry for the grammar mistakes and the repetitions of constructions

No, really, I'll try to improve my style

PS: IT'S FINISHED!

Toshiro · Post by **Toshiro** » 25 Mar 2006, 21:24

Hoo Rah. Another Chinese kid.

Well, your writing style is a bit too straightforward. He did this, then he did that.... Well, I'd like to see more detail in the cars or such. And for cars to go at 180 in an urban environment is suicide, especially with cops on their tail. Cars have trouble doing correct turns at even 100.

All in all, it was pretty good.

HKSfan · Post by **HKSfan** » 25 Mar 2006, 21:26

I'll take your serious criticisms and I'll improve the story... ...when I find some more time.

Toshiro · Post by **Toshiro** » 25 Mar 2006, 21:33

On a completely different note.... You've inspired me to write a story as well.

unfknblvble · Post by **unfknblvble** » 25 Mar 2006, 23:37

Toshiro wrote:On a completely different note.... You've inspired me to write a story as well.

Looking forward to it Toshi

mjdude23 · Post by **mjdude23** » 25 Mar 2006, 23:47

awesome storie

DarrenR21373 · Post by **DarrenR21373** » 25 Mar 2006, 23:51

Having just read the finished version, all I can say is "Well done!". Absolutely excellent, 11 out of 10.

Why couldn't EA have done that? They should bring out a new version of MW, including the cut scenes as described in your story. Of course, they should pay you for the priviledge!