A little story
A little story
Hello,
I've written a litte MW story, you might find it interesting. Please comment on it!
HKSfan
Last Update: 25.03.2006 20.11 MEZ
IT'S FINISHED!
I've written a litte MW story, you might find it interesting. Please comment on it!
HKSfan
Last Update: 25.03.2006 20.11 MEZ
IT'S FINISHED!
- Attachments
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- The Razor Stories.doc
- (54 KiB) Downloaded 169 times
Last edited by HKSfan on 25 Mar 2006, 21:09, edited 3 times in total.
- NFSBLUECIVIC
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- DarrenR21373
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- unfknblvble
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Pulling out the red teachers pen there are a few mistakes that could be cleaned up, but I'm assuming English is not your first language, so I'm not being critical here.
I think it's a bit brief for a good read. But it's very interesting, and you've obviously put a lot of thought into it. I'd like to see a lot of the background on each of the black list members developed more. Also, I think the time frame is too short. It is possible, with the courts being so busy that someone can be in jail for a substantial period of time prior to their court appearence. So I'm thinking it could have been 2 or 3 months between the players arrest, and their release.
I hope this is helpful, and I'm interested to see where things go from here.
Keep it up!
I think it's a bit brief for a good read. But it's very interesting, and you've obviously put a lot of thought into it. I'd like to see a lot of the background on each of the black list members developed more. Also, I think the time frame is too short. It is possible, with the courts being so busy that someone can be in jail for a substantial period of time prior to their court appearence. So I'm thinking it could have been 2 or 3 months between the players arrest, and their release.
I hope this is helpful, and I'm interested to see where things go from here.
Keep it up!
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- Ricer
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Hoo Rah. Another Chinese kid.
Well, your writing style is a bit too straightforward. He did this, then he did that.... Well, I'd like to see more detail in the cars or such. And for cars to go at 180 in an urban environment is suicide, especially with cops on their tail. Cars have trouble doing correct turns at even 100.
All in all, it was pretty good.
Well, your writing style is a bit too straightforward. He did this, then he did that.... Well, I'd like to see more detail in the cars or such. And for cars to go at 180 in an urban environment is suicide, especially with cops on their tail. Cars have trouble doing correct turns at even 100.
All in all, it was pretty good.
- unfknblvble
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- DarrenR21373
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