Jokes Thread!
thats crap.79 RS wrote:After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year, Kiwi scientists found
traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion
that their ancestors already had telephone networks 1000 years ago.
Not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed American scientists dug 200
metres and headlines in the US papers read: "US scientists have found traces
of 2000 year old optical fibres, and concluded that their ancestors already
had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the
Kiwi's."
One week later, Australian newspapers reported the following: "After digging
as deep as 500 metres, Australian scientists have found absolutely nothing.
They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using
wireless"
Bojan wrote:Not exactly a joke, but still funny. And also I cba to dig up that videos thread...
http://www.youtube.com/w/Volkswagen%3A- ... =1&t=t&f=b
http://www.youtube.com/w/Volkswagen%3A- ... =1&t=t&f=b
http://www.youtube.com/w/Volkswagen%3A- ... =1&t=t&f=b
Heck yeah, I love those commericals.
ok, i cant remember where i saw it, but i was watching a program on tv last week and i found this really amazing. iv managed to find a similar video to what i watched. enjoy!
Christmas Island Red Crabs
Christmas Island Red Crabs
SO MANY BABY CRABS!!!!!!!
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spartan.dk
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- Location: Toronto, Canada
VEE DOUBLE YOU IS IN DA HOUSE!xHaZxMaTx wrote:Bojan wrote:Not exactly a joke, but still funny. And also I cba to dig up that videos thread...
http://www.youtube.com/w/Volkswagen%3A- ... =1&t=t&f=b
http://www.youtube.com/w/Volkswagen%3A- ... =1&t=t&f=b
http://www.youtube.com/w/Volkswagen%3A- ... =1&t=t&f=b
Kid Cro wrote:Now go Suck on your mom's boobie and stfuktnxbye!!!
How is that funny?Dizzi wrote:ok, i cant remember where i saw it, but i was watching a program on tv last week and i found this really amazing. iv managed to find a similar video to what i watched. enjoy!
Christmas Island Red Crabs
I find it more amazing than funny. That video isn't quite a joke.
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Erikjef_24
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ok i have one
Daddy's Little Girl
Little Thelma comes home from first grade and tells her
father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.
And, "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and
we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving
someone a valentine?
Thelma's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think
God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
Osama Bin Laden," she says.
Why Osama Bin Laden?!?!," her father asks in shock.
"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American
Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a
valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're
not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.
And if other kids saw what I did and then they sent
valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then
he'd start going all over the place telling everyone how
much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter
with newfound pride. "Thelma, that's the most wonderful
thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Thelma says, "and once that gets him out in
the open, the Marines could blow the shiznit out of him..!!"
Daddy's Little Girl
Little Thelma comes home from first grade and tells her
father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.
And, "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and
we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving
someone a valentine?
Thelma's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think
God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
Osama Bin Laden," she says.
Why Osama Bin Laden?!?!," her father asks in shock.
"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American
Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a
valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're
not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.
And if other kids saw what I did and then they sent
valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then
he'd start going all over the place telling everyone how
much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter
with newfound pride. "Thelma, that's the most wonderful
thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Thelma says, "and once that gets him out in
the open, the Marines could blow the shiznit out of him..!!"
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weedman173
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"Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes, what do you want?" "I'm calling to report my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hidingmarijuana inside his firewood." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They searchthe shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open everypiece of wood, butfind no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house. Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep." "Happy Birthday, Buddy!"
I don't know if this has been posted before, but....
Three friends were stranded on an island. One day, they found a magic lamp with a genie inside. The genie granted them each one wish. The first wished to be with his family. The second wished the same, and when the third was asked, he promptly broke into tears and said, "I wish my friends were still here."
Three friends were stranded on an island. One day, they found a magic lamp with a genie inside. The genie granted them each one wish. The first wished to be with his family. The second wished the same, and when the third was asked, he promptly broke into tears and said, "I wish my friends were still here."
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weedman173
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You guys wish you could get jokes this good.
So two potheads have been charged with possession
and both plead "no contest." The judge decides to be lenient on them and not give them any time if they spend the next 24 hours reforming evil drug users. (Must have been a first offense.) They return to the courthouse the next day and the judge asks them how many people they've gotten off drugs. The first guy says, "Twenty-four!" "Amazing," says Hizzoner, since that's about 12,000 times better than the statistics. "How'd you do it?" "Simple," says the head. "I just show them: 'O' - This is your brain; 'o' - this is your brain on drugs."
"Impressive," says the judge. Turning to the second head, he says, "And how did you fare?" "Yer honor, I saved 233 souls from the bonds of the evil weed." "And how did you manage that?" "Kinda the same as the other guy, 'cept I told people: 'o' - this is your butthole; 'O' - THIS is your butthole in prison."
So two potheads have been charged with possession
and both plead "no contest." The judge decides to be lenient on them and not give them any time if they spend the next 24 hours reforming evil drug users. (Must have been a first offense.) They return to the courthouse the next day and the judge asks them how many people they've gotten off drugs. The first guy says, "Twenty-four!" "Amazing," says Hizzoner, since that's about 12,000 times better than the statistics. "How'd you do it?" "Simple," says the head. "I just show them: 'O' - This is your brain; 'o' - this is your brain on drugs.""Impressive," says the judge. Turning to the second head, he says, "And how did you fare?" "Yer honor, I saved 233 souls from the bonds of the evil weed." "And how did you manage that?" "Kinda the same as the other guy, 'cept I told people: 'o' - this is your butthole; 'O' - THIS is your butthole in prison."
